What I like most about her? Every song describes in detail one aspect of life, love or marriage.
It’s not just a cliche of ‘I love you.. why don’t you come back..’ or ‘Never intended to hurt you..sorry..please stay with me.’ No, Nil Karaibrahimgil writes about how much she – like every girl on this planet - once desired to wear a pink princess dress. At the concert she gave in Paradiso Amsterdam, she started with an excuse telling why she (thought)?) looked weird, with a lace princess skirt on leather brown pants. Every other singer might look ridiculous, But not Nil. Nil Karaibrahimgil, singer, songwriter, cum laude graduate in politics and international relations looks like a supermodel.
Before I had even seen her, I already was fan of her voice. She sang the original soundtrack of the movie ‘Organize Isler Bunlar’ and her distinctive voice using a certain girlish accent, made me curious of who the singer was of this beautiful maffia-song, and what was her story?
I got the chance to interview Nil Karaibrahimgil- known in Europe as the Turkish Bjork, because of her extravagant and daring outfits- quickly after the concert, just for ten minutes- but enough to ask her some nice questions. What I found out:
It was her first time in The Netherlands, but she liked being in Amsterdam a lot. She particularly was fascinated by Paradiso; and that shows her good taste because the authentic building is definitely one of the finest concert locations of this country. Many pop singers would like to stand on the main podium of Paradiso. Nil said she was determined to come back soon and make a bigger tour around Belgium and Germany, because Turkish singers are not used to do European tours as often as other singers do.
Nil is a versatile woman. One of her songs ‘Sana kek yaptim’ (translated: I made cake for you), made me question if she bakes cakes for her partner. She surprised me when she told me she doesn't even bake cakes. Yes, she is definitely 'a free girl', named after her song 'I am free', which is about liberation and feminism.
That’s what I like about her songs. Most of them are about strong women who can take care very well for themselves. Her song 'Pirlanta' (Diamond) is one of my favorites. In this song she tells that she bought her own diamond ring. She seizes topics out of the daily life of contemporary women. One song is totally written about sleeping on your own in a King size bed. She surprised the audience when she asked;’Who in this room sleeps alone in a King size bed?’ Most people (men and women) raised their hands wistfully. And then she said: ’Well, it’s easily fixed. Date with each other!!’
Sometimes her songs are more political, such as "Yaş 18" (Age 18) which is one of the two tracks she recorded for the soundtrack of the Turkish movie Sinav (Exam). The movie and the song deal with the pressure Turkish students face during adolescence.
My last question - about her future plans - actually surprised me, but I should've known better. Her dreams don't differ much from the girl next door's: Now that she's married (at the Nile in Egypt where her name comes from), Nil desperately wants to become a mom. Like most girls do.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Hymen Reconstructions
Recently I tweeted Sadie Stein's article about women restoring their virginity. To me, this topic is not new, since as an editor of a woman's magazine we have been dealing with it for a couple of years already. I have received a lot of questions about how women know if they still have a hymen. We wrote columns and articles about it, like the virginity test (in Dutch), and my one page op-ed about the virginity-paradox, published in the Dutch daily NRC Handelsblad, received many reactions from all around the world.
I get outraged about this topic, each and every time. Why would a woman be judged by this itsy bitsy mini tiny thing in her body for ALL her life? What's important is that you and your partner/husband shouldn't care. And do you think virginity is a romantic thing? Come on! I get more frustrated when I hear about women who '’keep these traditions’'. What kind of woman are you when your annual gift to your husband is having your hymen restored so that you can be a virgin at least once a year? I get mad when I hear replies of dudes saying "I rather marry a virgin because sex with me is the only sex she has to know." I know, from the letters to my magazine that there are, luckily, also men saying: "I'd rather marry someone with experience because then I know I'm the best she's ever had." And I love this reply of an Arab girl to Sadie's article: "Guys who just look harder for girls who ARE virgins? Well then they can go fuck themselves because I don't want to."
And yes, this is all about the patriarchal world we are living in. According to many many tribes and religions, women are just not supposed to enjoy their body, or enjoy their life.
But we can make this stop and wash out the myth. First, hymens do not break, nor do they disappear after first vaginal intercourse. So, the expectation that a woman bleeds on her wedding night is out of keeping with the reality of many women's bodies. Because, most women (more than 50%) do not bleed their first time. In most cases the hymen is a small band on the side of the vagina (1,5 centimeters down the vagina). This band is very flexible. Not everybody has this band and it disappears by aging. Because women are all different, even a doctor can hardly tell by looking at a vagina whether a woman has had children or if she ever had sex. In rare cases there is a string in the middle. In one of a million times the vagina is closed of by the hymen. This causes problems because menstruation blood can not leave the body. If this is the case, a doctor needs to open the hymen.
But I have hope when I hear women liberating themselves. So, I want to finish this post with one fantastic and hopeful reader's comment to Sadie's article: "Why would I want to restore my virginity? It took me forever to finally get rid of it."
I get outraged about this topic, each and every time. Why would a woman be judged by this itsy bitsy mini tiny thing in her body for ALL her life? What's important is that you and your partner/husband shouldn't care. And do you think virginity is a romantic thing? Come on! I get more frustrated when I hear about women who '’keep these traditions’'. What kind of woman are you when your annual gift to your husband is having your hymen restored so that you can be a virgin at least once a year? I get mad when I hear replies of dudes saying "I rather marry a virgin because sex with me is the only sex she has to know." I know, from the letters to my magazine that there are, luckily, also men saying: "I'd rather marry someone with experience because then I know I'm the best she's ever had." And I love this reply of an Arab girl to Sadie's article: "Guys who just look harder for girls who ARE virgins? Well then they can go fuck themselves because I don't want to."
And yes, this is all about the patriarchal world we are living in. According to many many tribes and religions, women are just not supposed to enjoy their body, or enjoy their life.
But we can make this stop and wash out the myth. First, hymens do not break, nor do they disappear after first vaginal intercourse. So, the expectation that a woman bleeds on her wedding night is out of keeping with the reality of many women's bodies. Because, most women (more than 50%) do not bleed their first time. In most cases the hymen is a small band on the side of the vagina (1,5 centimeters down the vagina). This band is very flexible. Not everybody has this band and it disappears by aging. Because women are all different, even a doctor can hardly tell by looking at a vagina whether a woman has had children or if she ever had sex. In rare cases there is a string in the middle. In one of a million times the vagina is closed of by the hymen. This causes problems because menstruation blood can not leave the body. If this is the case, a doctor needs to open the hymen.
But I have hope when I hear women liberating themselves. So, I want to finish this post with one fantastic and hopeful reader's comment to Sadie's article: "Why would I want to restore my virginity? It took me forever to finally get rid of it."
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Two fingers
I was speechless. In fact, I still am. Did you hear about the Indian finger test? Well, hold on, it's horrifying and it really is as awful as it sounds. What is it? The finger test is a rape test used by doctors to determine if sexual intercourse is being practiced. The doctor inserts two fingers into a rape victim's vagina to verify the presence or absence of the hymen.
So, let's rewind.
It won't be easy, but try to imagine you have just been raped— already an awful experience to deal with. Terrified your family will condemn you, you go to the police. The police say they are not convinced about your statement or story. Neither does your family. They want to know whether you were raped because you 'asked for it', or you were 'chaste' enough and truly a victim of rape. To determine the validity of your story, they send you to the doctor. While you are still enduring the mental and physical anguish and humiliation of the rape, you have to take a seat in the gynaecologist chair and let a strange man, a doctor, insert two fingers in your vagina to check the 'purity' of your most intimate female part.
The results are only multiple choice: it can be "two fingers admitted”, “two fingers easily admitted”, or “two fingers not easily admitted". These results can be understood as "used to" or "not used to" sexual intercourse. Of course, the two fingers represent the thickness of the penis.
I don't know about you, but when I read about this I couldn't believe my eyes. It is outrageous and unacceptable. This 'examination' simply can't be medically accurate for several reasons:
1. There is no such thing as a hymen;
2. Each and every woman's vagaina is built different;
3. Each and every man is built differently too: small penises, long ones, thick, thin and so on and so forth.
So for an Indian girl, it's all about luck. Judgement is determined by the insertion of two fingers by a man (suppose female fingers are thinner) in the most intimate part of her body, which will judge her for the rest of her life. Where is this going?
Well, I am elated to know the Human Rights Watch is calling for a ban; and a lower court recently ruled this rape test should be stopped. But although the Indian government prohibits the test because of its immoral nature and some hospitals have banned the test, the doctors and, more importantly, the people in India still see value in it.
Which is where we end up once again in the never-ending circle in patriarchal societies. No one wants to deal with women complaining of sexual harassment. Instead of acknowledging it is happening, and educating doctors on how to deal with this huge issue, or offer women support, women, again, end up being a victim for the second time.
Now, tell me, if you were an Indian woman, would you tell anyone you were raped? I wouldn't.
So, let's rewind.
It won't be easy, but try to imagine you have just been raped— already an awful experience to deal with. Terrified your family will condemn you, you go to the police. The police say they are not convinced about your statement or story. Neither does your family. They want to know whether you were raped because you 'asked for it', or you were 'chaste' enough and truly a victim of rape. To determine the validity of your story, they send you to the doctor. While you are still enduring the mental and physical anguish and humiliation of the rape, you have to take a seat in the gynaecologist chair and let a strange man, a doctor, insert two fingers in your vagina to check the 'purity' of your most intimate female part.
The results are only multiple choice: it can be "two fingers admitted”, “two fingers easily admitted”, or “two fingers not easily admitted". These results can be understood as "used to" or "not used to" sexual intercourse. Of course, the two fingers represent the thickness of the penis.
I don't know about you, but when I read about this I couldn't believe my eyes. It is outrageous and unacceptable. This 'examination' simply can't be medically accurate for several reasons:
1. There is no such thing as a hymen;
2. Each and every woman's vagaina is built different;
3. Each and every man is built differently too: small penises, long ones, thick, thin and so on and so forth.
So for an Indian girl, it's all about luck. Judgement is determined by the insertion of two fingers by a man (suppose female fingers are thinner) in the most intimate part of her body, which will judge her for the rest of her life. Where is this going?
Well, I am elated to know the Human Rights Watch is calling for a ban; and a lower court recently ruled this rape test should be stopped. But although the Indian government prohibits the test because of its immoral nature and some hospitals have banned the test, the doctors and, more importantly, the people in India still see value in it.
Which is where we end up once again in the never-ending circle in patriarchal societies. No one wants to deal with women complaining of sexual harassment. Instead of acknowledging it is happening, and educating doctors on how to deal with this huge issue, or offer women support, women, again, end up being a victim for the second time.
Now, tell me, if you were an Indian woman, would you tell anyone you were raped? I wouldn't.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Private life on the internet
This time I want to share an email of a friend of mine with her comment on the news of the suicide of a Rutgers University freshman killing himself after classmates used hidden camera to watch his sexual activity.
Here is my friend's reaction and I don't have anything to add:
So sad that people think its OK to blast someone's, especially another friend's, private life on the internet. I think all this "technology" and lack of privacy gives people the assumption that anything goes.
There's a huge lack of boundaries, oversharing, and basic respect for a friend.
Basic respect I would think any friend would have for another friend.
Or has all the technology driven, disconnected world we live in zapped people of basic, common respect? And knowing what is OK and not OK to share with others?
Did these two kids lack the ability to see that?
Or were they being malicious to a friend?
Or did they think this was a funny prank?
The article states these were good kids, yet they did not know when to draw the line.
It just makes me very sad..I think not only his parents, but we all should be in mourning.
Here is my friend's reaction and I don't have anything to add:
So sad that people think its OK to blast someone's, especially another friend's, private life on the internet. I think all this "technology" and lack of privacy gives people the assumption that anything goes.
There's a huge lack of boundaries, oversharing, and basic respect for a friend.
Basic respect I would think any friend would have for another friend.
Or has all the technology driven, disconnected world we live in zapped people of basic, common respect? And knowing what is OK and not OK to share with others?
Did these two kids lack the ability to see that?
Or were they being malicious to a friend?
Or did they think this was a funny prank?
The article states these were good kids, yet they did not know when to draw the line.
It just makes me very sad..I think not only his parents, but we all should be in mourning.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Wall Street Journal
Dear editor,
As a European Muslim feminist who supports a tolerant and moderate Islam, I was really happy that the Wall Street Journal devoted so much space on its op-ed page to the question "What Is Moderate Islam?" The six "leading thinkers" were eloquent and provocative.
But seriously, WSJ, you couldn't find a single Muslim WOMAN to weigh in?
How ironic is it that ‘the West’ sometimes point at Islam and say how the religion subjugates women and yet here is a Western newspaper that completely ignores the female perspective on a very important issue. It's inexcusable especially considering that the WSJ has a former reporter who is very outspoken, Asra Nomani, a Muslim feminist.
She is not the only one who could have been included. The US counts so much more female Muslim thinkers, e.g. Irshad Manji, Mona Eltahawy, Daisy Khan, Laila Lalami and Nathalie Handal. If the West is going to criticize Islam for not being enlightened, they need to demonstrate a better example.
This article shows exactly where we are still at: the news is still being dominated by white Western males. And of course, if there had been enough female editors in the newsroom, and more preferably, multicultural diverse staff, the WSJ would not have made this gigantic mistake.
The subject of moderate Islam can’t be discussed without Muslim women thinkers. Emancipation is a huge part of the discussion if we want to create a post-patriarchal and a post-modern society in the Muslim world. Feminist standpoints, with fresh approaches to new interpretation of Islam, would have provided multi-dimensional and, above all, practical perspectives of contemporary Islam.
This article reflects the male-dominated power structure in the East and the West. This stereotyping cut both ways. It doesn't leave much for anything else. Shame on you.
As a European Muslim feminist who supports a tolerant and moderate Islam, I was really happy that the Wall Street Journal devoted so much space on its op-ed page to the question "What Is Moderate Islam?" The six "leading thinkers" were eloquent and provocative.
But seriously, WSJ, you couldn't find a single Muslim WOMAN to weigh in?
How ironic is it that ‘the West’ sometimes point at Islam and say how the religion subjugates women and yet here is a Western newspaper that completely ignores the female perspective on a very important issue. It's inexcusable especially considering that the WSJ has a former reporter who is very outspoken, Asra Nomani, a Muslim feminist.
She is not the only one who could have been included. The US counts so much more female Muslim thinkers, e.g. Irshad Manji, Mona Eltahawy, Daisy Khan, Laila Lalami and Nathalie Handal. If the West is going to criticize Islam for not being enlightened, they need to demonstrate a better example.
This article shows exactly where we are still at: the news is still being dominated by white Western males. And of course, if there had been enough female editors in the newsroom, and more preferably, multicultural diverse staff, the WSJ would not have made this gigantic mistake.
The subject of moderate Islam can’t be discussed without Muslim women thinkers. Emancipation is a huge part of the discussion if we want to create a post-patriarchal and a post-modern society in the Muslim world. Feminist standpoints, with fresh approaches to new interpretation of Islam, would have provided multi-dimensional and, above all, practical perspectives of contemporary Islam.
This article reflects the male-dominated power structure in the East and the West. This stereotyping cut both ways. It doesn't leave much for anything else. Shame on you.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Nathalie Handal
For the glossy INKT, a bimonthly Dutch magazine for 'everybody who loves to read' I interviewed the beautiful French/American poet, Nathalie Handal. Actually, the invitation for an iftar-dinner from the US Ambassador to The Netherlands inspired me.
It's a tradition that once a year, during the Ramadan, the American Ambassador organizes an iftar (a dinner). I love these rather 'informal' gatherings with people I know from several other networks. Religious, non-religious, secular friends and colleagues come to share that peaceful inner moment, that you only can experience while eating together. And this year, I was honored when I was asked for advice what to serve on the menu. Of course I suggested my lentl soup :-)
But there is another reason why this year's iftar is going to be even more special. Nathalie Handal is going to read her poems. I had heard her name several times before but never realized she would be mediterranean or Arab or even Muslim. Even though I had not met her, I strongly felt connected and she inspired me immediately. It was her intelligence, her artistic talent but most of all her 'accessibility'. I sent her an email and requested an interview. She responded immediately, warmly and with mutual respect. She had surfed to my Website and was looking forward to meet me.
I read about her, I read her poems and the questions came spontaneously.
The interview was great and the editor of INKT was super-enthusiastic. I hope that Nathalie’s work will become well-known in Holland and Belgium, that we can read her poems in Dutch soon.
But there is another thing I felt while I was doing this. In Dutch we have a saying 'in hart en nieren', translated: 'in your heart and kidneys'. It means that you are so devoted to something that it will be always there, stuck inside of you. Well, I felt that I am a true editor and realized again why I had started SEN Magazine. I want to show the infinite beauty and talent of mediterranean women. I will always be eager to get to know them better and spread their message when and where ever I can, which probably makes me also a true journalist: the urgent desire to report about people and their stories.
I am sure you will all love her. The interview tells about the person Nathalie, her background, her writing and her views about current issues. She is an interesting woman who really has something to say (which explains her numerous awards). And yes, she looks good on the cover of a magazine (and yes, in the end, I'll always be a magazine editor!)
Nathalie and I made a deal to have a drink together after the iftar; I promised that I would let her feel 'the energy of the city'(I warned her that The Hague isn't Paris, New York or Istanbul). But actually, it doesn't matter where we are, I am sure Nathalie and I will have a great time together: two cosmopolitan women from the Mediterranean discussing about all kinds of issues women face nowadays.
I'm looking forward to it and, of course, keep you posted! The interview with Nathalie Handal will be published in the October issue of INKT Magazine.
More information about Nathalie Handal is to be found on her website: http://www.nathaliehandal.com/
It's a tradition that once a year, during the Ramadan, the American Ambassador organizes an iftar (a dinner). I love these rather 'informal' gatherings with people I know from several other networks. Religious, non-religious, secular friends and colleagues come to share that peaceful inner moment, that you only can experience while eating together. And this year, I was honored when I was asked for advice what to serve on the menu. Of course I suggested my lentl soup :-)
But there is another reason why this year's iftar is going to be even more special. Nathalie Handal is going to read her poems. I had heard her name several times before but never realized she would be mediterranean or Arab or even Muslim. Even though I had not met her, I strongly felt connected and she inspired me immediately. It was her intelligence, her artistic talent but most of all her 'accessibility'. I sent her an email and requested an interview. She responded immediately, warmly and with mutual respect. She had surfed to my Website and was looking forward to meet me.
I read about her, I read her poems and the questions came spontaneously.
The interview was great and the editor of INKT was super-enthusiastic. I hope that Nathalie’s work will become well-known in Holland and Belgium, that we can read her poems in Dutch soon.
But there is another thing I felt while I was doing this. In Dutch we have a saying 'in hart en nieren', translated: 'in your heart and kidneys'. It means that you are so devoted to something that it will be always there, stuck inside of you. Well, I felt that I am a true editor and realized again why I had started SEN Magazine. I want to show the infinite beauty and talent of mediterranean women. I will always be eager to get to know them better and spread their message when and where ever I can, which probably makes me also a true journalist: the urgent desire to report about people and their stories.
I am sure you will all love her. The interview tells about the person Nathalie, her background, her writing and her views about current issues. She is an interesting woman who really has something to say (which explains her numerous awards). And yes, she looks good on the cover of a magazine (and yes, in the end, I'll always be a magazine editor!)
Nathalie and I made a deal to have a drink together after the iftar; I promised that I would let her feel 'the energy of the city'(I warned her that The Hague isn't Paris, New York or Istanbul). But actually, it doesn't matter where we are, I am sure Nathalie and I will have a great time together: two cosmopolitan women from the Mediterranean discussing about all kinds of issues women face nowadays.
I'm looking forward to it and, of course, keep you posted! The interview with Nathalie Handal will be published in the October issue of INKT Magazine.
More information about Nathalie Handal is to be found on her website: http://www.nathaliehandal.com/
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Pen and Sword
It was a surprise when I received an email from a friend that Forbes wrote a column about my magazine SEN. Of course I am honored, but moreso I am happy that our hard work for SEN, even after so many years, is being appreciated by leading journalists and magazines. Well, that's quite an impressive endorsement!
We have a long way to go, the emancipation of (muslim) women has just started yet. And probably you are not surprised when I tell you that my hands are itching..and that I have so many ideas.. All the responses on the article were very supportive, and almost similar. They all wish that some day SEN will find new backers, so we can be able to publish it internationally.
An English version of SEN, I think, would not be a luxurious thing to do in these times of turmoil between East and West, islamophobia, antisemitism and above all emancipation of the world.
Here is the article which was published by Forbes on July 26th.
We have a long way to go, the emancipation of (muslim) women has just started yet. And probably you are not surprised when I tell you that my hands are itching..and that I have so many ideas.. All the responses on the article were very supportive, and almost similar. They all wish that some day SEN will find new backers, so we can be able to publish it internationally.
An English version of SEN, I think, would not be a luxurious thing to do in these times of turmoil between East and West, islamophobia, antisemitism and above all emancipation of the world.
Here is the article which was published by Forbes on July 26th.
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