A woman full of principles

I have a new hero! Tehmina Durrani.
The woman who took care of Fakhra Yunas, the Pakistani victim of an acid attack. Fakhra committed suicide a couple days ago. But Durrani arranged to take her abroad, capturing media attention for acid attacks in Pakistan.
Her own life story is amazing too. She grew up in a wealthy family, but after being used in her own marriage, she wrote about it, and questioned women's issues in Pakistan. Not by publishing her own book, but by funding an NGO for protection and care for other women in Pakistan. She distanced herself from everything to get rid of the manipulative patriarchal society, even signing for distance from her kids, to be able to do her work...

A woman full of principles...

Normally I don't post pictures on my blog but look at this beautiful picture of two women, how they support each other, probably knowing that it could have been either of them. It can happen to any of us. Maybe not the acid attacks, but all sorts of violence against women. It makes me hate societies in which these things happen. And I just can't understand how people, men or women, can sleep while this is happening.
Here is the link to Tehmina's full biography, I insist you read it.

Vyjanthi and the princess of Oman

Yesterday, the whole world celebrated International Women's Day. It sounds rather ridiculous to celebrate a day especially for women but as long as it's necessary we will do that. According to a survey of the Virginia Commonwealth University it will take 580 years before there is gender equality in top managerial positions. Yes, we have a long way to go... Not in executive and leading positions but in almost every level.

Yesterday, I watched a very sad documentary 'No country for young girls?' about a young Indian woman who has to choose - stay with a husband who doesn't want female children, or make it on her own?

Twenty-seven year old Vyjanthi, already mother to one 3-year old girl, was forced by her husband and in-laws to have a scan to determine the sex of the foetus, when she became pregnant again. Told she was carrying a girl, they tried to pressure her to have an abortion, and after a major argument she fled to her parents' home. But she felt bad, went back to her husband, got pregnant again, and the same thing happened all over again.

Now she's living with her parents, with two young daughters - and undecided whether she can make it on her own, or will have to go back to her husband again. Sex-selective abortion is illegal in India, but so widespread that there are many more boys than girls, especially in India's more prosperous states. Vyjanthi wants to know if things are really as bad for girls in the rest of India as in her own neighborhood. Isn't India now one of the world's booming economies, thanks to its embrace of globalization?

Life takes Vyjanthi on a journey through India, and films as she makes a disturbing discovery. Just because a country's becoming richer, doesn't actually mean life's going to be better for most people. In fact the status of women in India is falling behind that of women in many other countries, even in South Asia, and the newly prosperous middle class are particularly likely to abort female foetuses.

Will Vyjanthi decide that India can offer her and her daughters a fair and prosperous future on their own? Or will she decide that India is no country for young girls, and go back to her husband?

Heartbreaking documentary, but very inspiring to see that women are 'searching' for what they want for themselves. Vyjanti was my hero.

Vyjanthi's journey ended in Bangalore, the place where I have met another, of a very different level, woman a couple of years ago, the Omani princess Susan al Said. She is an empowering woman who fights for women's rights in Oman. American by birth, Omanese and muslim by marriage, she also owns a galery in Muscat. We had a nice and long chat after her speech at this woman's conference in Bangalore. She was very curious about my magazine and took with her three copies of SEN, folded in a veil, because it contented 'obscene' images (according to Omanese Arab standards). She said it could take decades before something like SEN could be possible in her country; if ever possible.

Vyjanthi and princess Susan, both so different women with a totally different background, and yet so close to each other, both trying to balance out stereotypes. That's so inspiring! I wish everybody a happy International Women's Day!

Arianna Huffington

I realized how encouraged I was the moment I heard the news about AOL merging with the Huffington Post. If there is one woman who inspires me at this moment, then it’s Huffpost’s founder and editor-in-chief Arianna Huffington.

She is a fascinating woman. As the author of the book ‘On Becoming Fearless ... in Love, Work and Life.’ she already has illustrated multiple times to be fearless. The first time was when she left Athens, Greece, where she was born, to go to England in order to study at the Cambridge University. Many people want to study internationally, but let’s face it, there are still far too few women who take up that challenge.

The second time she was fearless was when she left her then-boyfriend, the famous Times-journalist, Bernard Levin. She broke off the relationship and moved to the United States, because of Levin's refusal to get married. I feel pretty certain that Arianna NOW thinks it was probably the best thing she did back then by leaving him, but we women know how difficult it is to end a relationship, and certainly with someone you say was the love of your life.

The third time she showed her fearless power- no, that was not the time when she married a millionaire- was when she found Huffington Post and made it the most successful blogging-site in the world, and became a millionaire herself. Maybe the men in her life partially contributed to her success, - of course everything and everybody in her life probably influenced her decisions on some levels - but it always makes me happy when women rise up, and show leadership by really changing the concept of the news industry. My fascination is more as I also created a different model in the media: a magazine for Mediterranean women.

As Forbes ranked Arianna one of the 12th most influential women in the media, she is a role model for we women journalists, and for women in general, to be fearless and really go for our dreams. She has defined how she can be a leader, and not be let a man or a past career move keep her from reaching her goals. It is inspiring to read stories about women who not only SAY what they want to do, but to act and actually DO those dreams.

I remember her saying in one of the interviews about her book - on how you become your own leader - by looking in the mirror, and you should stop searching for the knight on the white horse who is going to “save” you; And she is right, that only results in your being disappointed again and again.

Her life is the best example for the power of a woman. She divorced from a wealthy man (after he made it clear that he was more attracted to his own sex), she became an influential and wealthy woman in her own right. Her looks and name may mislead you, with her sexy business suits, blond hair and “enhanced” face; she looks like a typical American businesswoman. But then you discover she is not American at all, but conquered America, she becomes a role model for every one of us in the world.

I hope the story of Arianna will inspire more women to pursue their goals, and to become their own leaders.

Nil Rocks!

What I like most about her? Every song describes in detail one aspect of life, love or marriage.
It’s not just a cliche of ‘I love you.. why don’t you come back..’ or ‘Never intended to hurt you..sorry..please stay with me.’ No, Nil Karaibrahimgil writes about how much she – like every girl on this planet - once desired to wear a pink princess dress. At the concert she gave in Paradiso Amsterdam, she started with an excuse telling why she (thought)?) looked weird, with a lace princess skirt on leather brown pants. Every other singer might look ridiculous, But not Nil.  Nil Karaibrahimgil, singer, songwriter, cum laude graduate in politics and international relations looks like a supermodel.
 
Before I had even seen her,  I already was fan of her voice. She sang the original soundtrack of the movie ‘Organize Isler Bunlar’ and her distinctive voice using a certain girlish accent, made me curious of who the singer was of this beautiful maffia-song, and what was her story?

I got the chance to interview Nil Karaibrahimgil- known in Europe as the Turkish Bjork, because of her extravagant and daring outfits- quickly after the concert, just for ten minutes- but enough to ask her some nice questions. What I found out:
 
It was her first time in The Netherlands, but she liked being in Amsterdam a lot. She particularly was fascinated by Paradiso; and that shows her good taste because the authentic building is definitely one of the finest concert locations of this country. Many pop singers would like to stand on the main podium of Paradiso. Nil said she was determined to come back soon and make a bigger tour around Belgium and Germany,  because Turkish singers are not used to do European tours as often as other singers do.

Nil is a versatile woman. One of her songs ‘Sana kek yaptim’ (translated: I made cake for you), made me question if she bakes cakes for her partner. She surprised me when she told me she doesn't even bake cakes. Yes, she is definitely 'a free girl', named after her song 'I am free', which is about liberation and feminism.
 
That’s what I like about her songs. Most of them are about strong women who can take care very well for themselves. Her song 'Pirlanta' (Diamond) is one of my favorites. In this song she tells that she bought her own diamond ring. She seizes topics out of the daily life of contemporary women. One song is totally written about sleeping on your own in a King size bed. She surprised the audience when she asked;’Who in this room sleeps alone in a King size bed?’ Most people (men and women) raised their hands wistfully. And then she said: ’Well, it’s easily fixed. Date with each other!!’

Sometimes her songs are more political, such as  "Yaş 18" (Age 18) which is one of the two tracks she recorded for the soundtrack of the Turkish movie Sinav (Exam). The movie and the song deal with the pressure Turkish students face during adolescence.

My last question - about her future plans - actually surprised me, but I should've known better. Her dreams don't differ much from the girl next door's: Now that she's married (at the Nile in Egypt where her name comes from), Nil desperately wants to become a mom. Like most girls do.

First baby

When’s the best time to have a baby? It’s a question many women ask themselves, and to which they find a wide diversity of answers. American women have their first baby when they are 25 (a way much better compared to 1970 when the average age was 21.4 years!)

This 'aging', becoming an older mother, is a global movement. For instance in Europe the average age of women becoming for the first time a mother is higher: 29! Which makes me very mediocre, because I was 29 years old too when I gave birth to my son. Like my fellow-late-mothers, I had a lot of reasons to compete with my biological clock, but career (and financial reasons), finding the right partner and self-development were the most important reasons of my delay.

Still, many don't agree with that. I have had so many discussions with people saying that it's not healthy for women to have their first baby at that age (which is not true because also in the old days, women had babies when they were over forty!) And people telling me that babies are healthier if they are deliverde by women in their most fertile periods, which is when they are 23 years old. As if Britney Spears and Jessica Alba are better mothers than Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton?

For me 'being fertile' doesn't always mean 'capable' of becoming a mother. With my experience in life, and the self-esteem I built through these years, I think I am a good mother, at least I am trying to be.

Which is in my opinion the biggest difference between younger and older mothers: the young ones take it for granted that they just had a baby. It is all natural.. The older ones think about the steps in their lifes continuously and decide very conscious what they want.

In her book Ready professor Elizabeth Gregory* gave me the confirmation. I went to her lecture here at the University of Texas. One of the results of her book was that women 'who embrace later motherhood' are healthier and live longer. The biggest reason for that is of course that women who have their first baby at an older age, are higher educated, have better salaries and thus have better access to health care. We all know that their children will always profit from that.

*(Elizabeth Gregory is Professor of English and Director of the Women's Studies Program at the University of Houston. She blogs about modern motherhood and women's work on the Huffington Post and http://www.readymoms.com.