Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Nil Rocks!

What I like most about her? Every song describes in detail one aspect of life, love or marriage.
It’s not just a cliche of ‘I love you.. why don’t you come back..’ or ‘Never intended to hurt you..sorry..please stay with me.’ No, Nil Karaibrahimgil writes about how much she – like every girl on this planet - once desired to wear a pink princess dress. At the concert she gave in Paradiso Amsterdam, she started with an excuse telling why she (thought)?) looked weird, with a lace princess skirt on leather brown pants. Every other singer might look ridiculous, But not Nil.  Nil Karaibrahimgil, singer, songwriter, cum laude graduate in politics and international relations looks like a supermodel.
 
Before I had even seen her,  I already was fan of her voice. She sang the original soundtrack of the movie ‘Organize Isler Bunlar’ and her distinctive voice using a certain girlish accent, made me curious of who the singer was of this beautiful maffia-song, and what was her story?

I got the chance to interview Nil Karaibrahimgil- known in Europe as the Turkish Bjork, because of her extravagant and daring outfits- quickly after the concert, just for ten minutes- but enough to ask her some nice questions. What I found out:
 
It was her first time in The Netherlands, but she liked being in Amsterdam a lot. She particularly was fascinated by Paradiso; and that shows her good taste because the authentic building is definitely one of the finest concert locations of this country. Many pop singers would like to stand on the main podium of Paradiso. Nil said she was determined to come back soon and make a bigger tour around Belgium and Germany,  because Turkish singers are not used to do European tours as often as other singers do.

Nil is a versatile woman. One of her songs ‘Sana kek yaptim’ (translated: I made cake for you), made me question if she bakes cakes for her partner. She surprised me when she told me she doesn't even bake cakes. Yes, she is definitely 'a free girl', named after her song 'I am free', which is about liberation and feminism.
 
That’s what I like about her songs. Most of them are about strong women who can take care very well for themselves. Her song 'Pirlanta' (Diamond) is one of my favorites. In this song she tells that she bought her own diamond ring. She seizes topics out of the daily life of contemporary women. One song is totally written about sleeping on your own in a King size bed. She surprised the audience when she asked;’Who in this room sleeps alone in a King size bed?’ Most people (men and women) raised their hands wistfully. And then she said: ’Well, it’s easily fixed. Date with each other!!’

Sometimes her songs are more political, such as  "Yaş 18" (Age 18) which is one of the two tracks she recorded for the soundtrack of the Turkish movie Sinav (Exam). The movie and the song deal with the pressure Turkish students face during adolescence.

My last question - about her future plans - actually surprised me, but I should've known better. Her dreams don't differ much from the girl next door's: Now that she's married (at the Nile in Egypt where her name comes from), Nil desperately wants to become a mom. Like most girls do.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Hymen Reconstructions

Recently I tweeted Sadie Stein's article about women restoring their virginity. To me, this topic is not new, since as an editor of a woman's magazine we have been dealing with it for a couple of years already. I have received a lot of questions about how women know if they still have a hymen. We wrote columns and articles about it, like the virginity test (in Dutch), and my one page op-ed about the virginity-paradox, published in the Dutch daily NRC Handelsblad, received many reactions from all around the world.

I get outraged about this topic, each and every time. Why would a woman be judged by this itsy bitsy mini tiny thing in her body for ALL her life? What's important is that you and your partner/husband shouldn't care. And do you think virginity is a romantic thing? Come on! I get more frustrated when I hear about women who '’keep these traditions’'. What kind of woman are you when your annual gift to your husband is having your hymen restored so that you can be a virgin at least once a year? I get mad when I hear replies of dudes saying "I rather marry a virgin because sex with me is the only sex she has to know." I know, from the letters to my magazine that there are, luckily, also men saying: "I'd rather marry someone with experience because then I know I'm the best she's ever had." And I love this reply of an Arab girl to Sadie's article: "Guys who just look harder for girls who ARE virgins? Well then they can go fuck themselves because I don't want to."

And yes, this is all about the patriarchal world we are living in. According to many many tribes and religions, women are just not supposed to enjoy their body, or enjoy their life.

But we can make this stop and wash out the myth. First, hymens do not break, nor do they disappear after first vaginal intercourse. So, the expectation that a woman bleeds on her wedding night is out of keeping with the reality of many women's bodies. Because, most women (more than 50%) do not bleed their first time. In most cases the hymen is a small band on the side of the vagina (1,5 centimeters down the vagina). This band is very flexible. Not everybody has this band and it disappears by aging. Because women are all different, even a doctor can hardly tell by looking at a vagina whether a woman has had children or if she ever had sex. In rare cases there is a string in the middle. In one of a million times the vagina is closed of by the hymen. This causes problems because menstruation blood can not leave the body. If this is the case, a doctor needs to open the hymen.

But I have hope when I hear women liberating themselves. So, I want to finish this post with one fantastic and hopeful reader's comment to Sadie's article: "Why would I want to restore my virginity? It took me forever to finally get rid of it."