Two months ago I wrote the first part of Even after all that way, about my decision to leave my partner for a while and live in the US. I hope you found it interesting enough. The next few weeks you can find a follow-up:
I couldn't think of any problem. But I think people are confused about my relationship: my fiance and I have been together for more than seven years and we still don't live together. Don't know why, not that we didn't want to, but after so many years, for us this is OK. He has a career, I have mine. But above all, I have also a kid. And Hakan and I are happy living together. That's why we live apart. Call it fear of losing your own space. Or losing your own 'life'? Maybe we are afraid of total commitment. Maybe we love our lifes so much. I don't know and I don't care. But it's certainly easy when you have to make decisions like this. Most of the women can't leave their homes because they are 'responsible' for their family. I am too, but I prefer being responsible for my child and myself (and a career!)So for now, I was not responsible for a whole family, so my fiance's daily life was not going to be 'disorganized'. Some people don't dare to ask, but I hear them thinking: are they monogamous? Well, it's not their business, but yes, it made me thinking that, call it again my naivitity, I asked myself: Wouldn't he start an affair with somebody if I live in the US, just because of the sex? Will a long distance relationship create more chance on cheating each other? Probably..but does just being there guarantee that he won't have an affair? It's not something you can control. And if he wants to do something like that, wouldn't he be doing it any way? And by the way, I don't have time to control him. Who does these days?
He will be happy for me. I know for sure. Or not? How do I start?
'Honey, I have to tell you something.'
We talked. And yes, it was a big deal. Holy sh.. Eight months! But he was very happy and proud of me!
I emailed another friend of mine with the same news. According to her, men are supposed to protest when their wives relocate, even when it's for a limited period of time. I know Danielle since we were twentyfive – she was working as a make-up artist all over the world, every season she came back from exotic places with the fanciest stories about being cosmopolite and never wanting to end up in one place. Untill she found her Romeo and got stuck with him and their twins in a two bedroom apartment in Milan. She suggested that I think over my relationship with him. “Does this man really love you?” is what she said. “If he does, why would he let you go for so long?” Oops, could that be true? So this means he doesn't love me?
One by one I had to face with 'the' obstacles. I better start with the one I am responsible of. I call him 'my tail', wherever I go, he comes with me.
My son was ten. Which was supposed to be 'old enough' to understand what was happening. But if I had to believe my friends, I could expect some trouble.
And how do you do that? Tell a ten-year-old that he will be living for a while in another country. 6000 miles away, with nobody he knows, no father, no friends, no family, except for his mother? How did Obama's mother tell Barack she was leaving for a while? It's not exactly the same because I take him with me, but for a boy it's a radical change.
'Hakan, are you ready for an adventure?' I asked my son before going to bed on an early September evening.
'Do you mean I may go snowboarding this year?' he said, remembering me telling him that.
'No, I mean rrreal adventure. Would you like to live in another city, another country in another continent?' I asked carefully.
He looked excited. His eyes were shining.
'Mama has to work overseas for a while and you're coming with her'.
And there it was, all of a sudden, he showed this look which has been there all his young life. Trust. Confidence. That it's O.K.