One week to go and then my first book will be published. I mean, it will be there, in the stores. In Holland and Belgium. Hopefully in other countries too, but this is enough for me right now. I don't know what other beginning authors do, but I am getting quite nervous. Well, maybe that's not the exact word either. I get excited. Hyperactive. Crazy. And frustrated. Is the book okay? Will people understand what I am trying to say? What was again the message? Do I have one? What will the reviews be like? Will they let me know when it's bad or will they just publish it? Oh, my God, why do I do this to myself? Why can't I just be happy with a 9 to 5 job and get home and cook a dinner and watch tv? Why do I always have to start something new? Why? I don't know! It's just there! The ideas in my head just don't stop! With the years, it gets worse!
Am I the only one with this problem? What do other authors do when their book is about to be published? Are they already writing their next book? Or are they having a vacation? Or both (like my friend Gaellen Quinn who is writing her second novel in Hawaii!). What are their expectations? Are they happy about the results? Oh,that might be my next project: starting a 'beginners authors club'. So we can share our feelings, emotions, experiences and even promote each others work (why not?).
It's not that I have been sitting and doing nothing because of my hypernervousness. No, I have been working on the website of my book (which is nowadays of course a must - details will follow later when the Site is ready), I have been thinking about the bookpresentation (it's going to be awesome!) and of course working on the PR of my book (emailing friends and colleagues asking them to read my book). And that's going to be the most difficult part for me. Because when we sent my book to the printer, I realized how vulnerable I had made myself. I felt naked. I had put my soul in this book. I had given all my time and energy on it. The stories, the dreams, the conversations and the confessions of my friends and all the people I have been following for the last couple of years.
Because that's what my book is about. About women's confessions. By Mediterranean women. They are not bizar nor unbelievable. No drama. The critics won't like that, they love drama, especially when it's associated with migrant or Mediterranean women. We already read a lot about forced marriages, famele genital mutilations and honor killings. Which is good. But we tend to forget that the majority of these women lead normal lives. They are strong, powerful, energetic and emancipated women. In my novel no ESCAPEE or VICTIM characters. Mediterranean women can be powerful without losing their own identity. They can be proud of their own culture as they can be proud of their new adapted Western culture. The smart ones use the better components of both of the cultures. And that's what my novel is about: about cultural savvy Mediterranean women living in a Western World.
I don't know whether my novel will be the first (I can't read all novels in the world) but critics have to get used to a new era of Mediterranean chick-lit. Next to their career and ambition, it will be topics as sex, men and relationships which will keep them most busy. That's the price of emancipation: the more independent you get, the harder it gets to find the right partner. Can we say that's drama? Not in the traditional sense. It's new drama. Sexy drama.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Anti-abortion terrorism
Today I am shocked by the news that abortion doctor George Tiller is killed (http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-tiller1-2009jun01,0,7068875.story); He was one of the few American physicians who performed late-term abortions.
Not that I knew him. But..I had to think about my visit in 2007 to one of the most inspiring women in my life, Sarah Weddington (http://www.weddingtoncenter.com/). Then, I had a meeting with her in her office in Austin, Texas, to talk about women's rights in America. She is an American attorney and lecturer who gained world-wide fame with the Roe versus Wade case. Roe versus Wade is the historic Supreme Court decision overturning a Texas interpretation of abortion law and making abortion legal in the United States. The Roe v. Wade decision held that a woman, with her doctor, could choose abortion in earlier months of pregnancy without restriction, and with restrictions in later months, based on the right to privacy. With this case she was the youngest person to win a Supreme Court case (the highest court in the United States).
As a young female attorney, Sarah Weddington had to convince 11 male jury members of the Supreme Court that the most abortionlaws of the United States were unlawful because they were in contradiction with the constitution. She won the case, which was the beginning of the liberation of thousands of women in Texas and the United States to decide about their own body, life and future.
While I was in her office I had the privilege to speak with this wonderful woman, who has also been a succesfull politician and political advisor to Carter-registration (let me give you one detail: in the hallway she showed me her pictures, which one of them, dated on 1977, was very interesting: she stands next to president Carter with a very very young Bill and Hillary Clinton on the background).
Her office was full with papers and books and she talked in detail about this landmark decision about the abortionlaw. That she got letters from women around the US to thank her for the new law. But sadly, she also mentioned that some anti-abortion activists threatened her.. So, maybe now you understand, when I got the newsheadlines today on my Blackberry, I didn't dare to read the article. There was a possibility that it could be Sarah and I was terrified!
Having this said, the killing of doctor Tiller is not less terrifying.. Every form of terrorism should vanish forever. Every victim of terrorism could be you..
Not that I knew him. But..I had to think about my visit in 2007 to one of the most inspiring women in my life, Sarah Weddington (http://www.weddingtoncenter.com/). Then, I had a meeting with her in her office in Austin, Texas, to talk about women's rights in America. She is an American attorney and lecturer who gained world-wide fame with the Roe versus Wade case. Roe versus Wade is the historic Supreme Court decision overturning a Texas interpretation of abortion law and making abortion legal in the United States. The Roe v. Wade decision held that a woman, with her doctor, could choose abortion in earlier months of pregnancy without restriction, and with restrictions in later months, based on the right to privacy. With this case she was the youngest person to win a Supreme Court case (the highest court in the United States).
As a young female attorney, Sarah Weddington had to convince 11 male jury members of the Supreme Court that the most abortionlaws of the United States were unlawful because they were in contradiction with the constitution. She won the case, which was the beginning of the liberation of thousands of women in Texas and the United States to decide about their own body, life and future.
While I was in her office I had the privilege to speak with this wonderful woman, who has also been a succesfull politician and political advisor to Carter-registration (let me give you one detail: in the hallway she showed me her pictures, which one of them, dated on 1977, was very interesting: she stands next to president Carter with a very very young Bill and Hillary Clinton on the background).
Her office was full with papers and books and she talked in detail about this landmark decision about the abortionlaw. That she got letters from women around the US to thank her for the new law. But sadly, she also mentioned that some anti-abortion activists threatened her.. So, maybe now you understand, when I got the newsheadlines today on my Blackberry, I didn't dare to read the article. There was a possibility that it could be Sarah and I was terrified!
Having this said, the killing of doctor Tiller is not less terrifying.. Every form of terrorism should vanish forever. Every victim of terrorism could be you..
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Will this ever end?
If I compare my life in Austin with the life I led in Holland, I could say that it's much more simple. What do I mean with that? Well, here everybody lives more outside! And I know of myself that if I am outside, under the blue sky, with the sun shining on me, life looks better and I just want to lead the good life. I don't want to be confronted with heavy world issues. And if I do (for my job as a journalist of course I can't avoid that!) I experience it much more different than whenever I am in Holland, sitting at home, reading the newspaper inside out, listening to the radio all day hearing intellectuals discussing all these problems. No, I don't do that in Austin. I even noticed that I react different on very serious news issues like today on the news that four muslim men were planting bombs in New York synagoge, and this feeling was new to me.
But whenever friends from Holland kept me sending messages about it I couldn't deny it and surfed on internet to learn more about it.
I want to share with you all a beautiful personal letter of a member of the Muslims for Progressive Values, founded by a friend of mine from LA. Sam Aboelela exactly says how I feel about this shocking and saddening news.
Dear friends,
I'm sitting in Cairo now as I write this letter, at the home of relatives with whom I was reunited yesterday after nearly a decade of separation. I went to sleep last night with a feeling of peace that I haven't felt in a long time and woke early this morning to the sound of the Azhan, the Islamic call to prayer, as it sung its way across the neighborhood and through the open window over my bed.
But as I was sharing hugs with my Muslim family here in Egypt, four very disturbed Muslim men were planting bombs in an effort to tear apart Jewish families in New York. Early news reports suggest that these men were "upset about the war in Afghanistan," so with a deranged rationale of misanthropic nihilism they somehow concluded that planting bombs in front of two Bronx synagogues and recreating the atmosphere of bloodshed, fear, and loss we experienced during and after 9/11 would provide some personal cathartic release.
I want my friends in the New York Jewish community to know how deeply I sympathize with the emotional anguish that is sure to pervade in the wake of this failed plot. While we're all concerned for the well-being of our families in this period of economic insecurity, none of us should carry the additional burden of being potential targets of violent acts of hate and terror. You have no idea how relieved I am that you are all safe from the will of these would-be terrorists and how concerned I am for your (and our collective) ongoing health and safety.
In all honesty, it is times like these that I wish Islam had some mechanism for excommunication. I wish that my non-Muslim friends and acquaintances would see me, my family, my Muslim friends, and the American Muslim community as representative of Islam rather than the headline-grabbing sociopaths who act in our name. I'm so sick of finding myself ashamed of something I didn't do, by someone I do not know, with motives I do not share, against people for whom I care.
Please know that you are not alone in the shock of this news... that good everyday people whom you have never met, and will likely never meet, as far away as Egypt are also distressed by this story. My thoughts and their thoughts are with you. My prayers and their prayers are for you.
Peace,
Sammer Aboelela
About Muslims for Progressive ValuesMuslims for Progressive Values (MPV) seeks to bring together progressive Muslims and friends who share their values to work for a more humane world. We welcome all who are interested in discussing, promoting and working for the implementation of progressive values - social justice, human rights, economic opportunity, and separation of church and state - as well as tolerant and inclusive understandings of Islam.
But whenever friends from Holland kept me sending messages about it I couldn't deny it and surfed on internet to learn more about it.
I want to share with you all a beautiful personal letter of a member of the Muslims for Progressive Values, founded by a friend of mine from LA. Sam Aboelela exactly says how I feel about this shocking and saddening news.
Dear friends,
I'm sitting in Cairo now as I write this letter, at the home of relatives with whom I was reunited yesterday after nearly a decade of separation. I went to sleep last night with a feeling of peace that I haven't felt in a long time and woke early this morning to the sound of the Azhan, the Islamic call to prayer, as it sung its way across the neighborhood and through the open window over my bed.
But as I was sharing hugs with my Muslim family here in Egypt, four very disturbed Muslim men were planting bombs in an effort to tear apart Jewish families in New York. Early news reports suggest that these men were "upset about the war in Afghanistan," so with a deranged rationale of misanthropic nihilism they somehow concluded that planting bombs in front of two Bronx synagogues and recreating the atmosphere of bloodshed, fear, and loss we experienced during and after 9/11 would provide some personal cathartic release.
I want my friends in the New York Jewish community to know how deeply I sympathize with the emotional anguish that is sure to pervade in the wake of this failed plot. While we're all concerned for the well-being of our families in this period of economic insecurity, none of us should carry the additional burden of being potential targets of violent acts of hate and terror. You have no idea how relieved I am that you are all safe from the will of these would-be terrorists and how concerned I am for your (and our collective) ongoing health and safety.
In all honesty, it is times like these that I wish Islam had some mechanism for excommunication. I wish that my non-Muslim friends and acquaintances would see me, my family, my Muslim friends, and the American Muslim community as representative of Islam rather than the headline-grabbing sociopaths who act in our name. I'm so sick of finding myself ashamed of something I didn't do, by someone I do not know, with motives I do not share, against people for whom I care.
Please know that you are not alone in the shock of this news... that good everyday people whom you have never met, and will likely never meet, as far away as Egypt are also distressed by this story. My thoughts and their thoughts are with you. My prayers and their prayers are for you.
Peace,
Sammer Aboelela
About Muslims for Progressive ValuesMuslims for Progressive Values (MPV) seeks to bring together progressive Muslims and friends who share their values to work for a more humane world. We welcome all who are interested in discussing, promoting and working for the implementation of progressive values - social justice, human rights, economic opportunity, and separation of church and state - as well as tolerant and inclusive understandings of Islam.
Monday, May 18, 2009
My birthdayparty in America
Today is my birthday which I celebrate for the first time in the USA. And I can guarantee you that it's quite different than in The Netherlands. My American girlfriends said that they would arrange a birthday party for me. In Holland, you arrange your birthday yourself...which doesn't make any sense..
because it is much nicer being pampered on your own birthday..
because it is much nicer being pampered on your own birthday..
My friends told me to come at 6.30 pm to one of the Mexican Restaurants, Sago, which was near my house, so I could walk. So, I put on my new dress which I bought exceptionally for this day, a beautiful blue Cavalli summerdress. I put on my make up and dressed my hair a little bit wilder than normal. Nothing wrong with that: it's my birthday! On my snakeskinned Gucci pumps I walked to the restaurant and it felt really like I was Carrie Bradshaw: I felt very glamorous, particularly when I looked at my diamond ring which I got from my beloved one the other day. An antique (1920's) yellow and white gold diamond cocktail ring. It has nineteen round brilliant cut diamonds, each set in a four prong white gold head, in a waterfall style.
I arrived at the restaurant. One part of it is called the 'love-suite', which has pink walls and voile curtains. There my friends were waiting for me with balloons.. Melita, Marisol, Jenny, Khotan, Rachel, Neyssan, Leila, Monte, Ron, Linda and her beautiful daughter Asha to whom I asked how old she was and she answered: 'I am exactly four and three quarters'. We had a wonderful dinner together and I was overruled by beautiful presents, and the birthday cake which was, of course, specially made for me.
Everything was brilliant, my friends and the setting, but most of all the different experience of not having organized my own birthdayparty. The only thing I had to do was set the date and forward a couple of emailaddresses to Melita who organized all of this. I even didn't have to pay for anything! They just didn't let me. I just could enjoy every minute of my birthday, which I did.
I think I am going to introduce this way of celebrating birthdays in Holland. I can't imagine there will be people who will have objections to it. I can't imagine why..
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Even after all that way (part 1)
“He, I've got news! I am going to work abroad” I said to Ellen, one of my girlfriends who had been single almost all her life. 'What? What do you mean?' she responded. 'I am going to work at a University in the US” I explained. 'What about your son? she asked. 'Of course he is coming with me' I said very confident. 'And your fiance?' she asked. 'What about him?'
'What - does - he - say? She asked with very clear pauses between the sentences as if she already had an answer. 'I don't know, I haven't told him yet' I said.
'Are you afraid that he will disapprove?" She asked, again with a certain voice I didn't recognize in her. 'No, I don't think he'll disapprove, but..''
"But he won't certainly like it" Ellen answered for me.
It was silent on both sides of the phone. I couldn't understand why she reacted this way. And I think my friends' brains couldn't gather the information all together.
Overseas. Child. Father. Ex. Career. Love.
But more likely, she probably didn't know what to think of it. I thought that maybe she would be worried about our friendship and said to comfort her: 'Don't worry, it's only for eight months!'. 'Eight months?!!' she yelled, continuing: 'And what does your ex think about this?' as if the worldpanic broke out. 'Well, what can he say?' I sounded naieve..but not because I didn't think about his rights as a father, but just because of my girlfriend's reaction. And then, as if she realized she had been negative all the time, she put her things together and tried to end it in a positive way: 'Well, it sounds like fun'..with somewhat hesitation in her voice.. 'If you really go'.
Yeah. Sure. If I really go..
This questioning was going to be the first one in a whole line. I didn't quite understand. What was wrong with what I was planning? No personal internal conflicts made me take this 'huge' decision. I was not in a pre-midlife crisis or depressed or whatsoever, so I it was going to be a balanced decision. But 'the others' made me fear my move: my son would react badly, it would cause fights with his father because of the distance, and the separation from my partner might be bad for my love relationship. People immigrate daily and start new lives. What is so difficult about living eight months overseas? It's also overseeable. Was there anything I had to worry about?
To be continued...
'What - does - he - say? She asked with very clear pauses between the sentences as if she already had an answer. 'I don't know, I haven't told him yet' I said.
'Are you afraid that he will disapprove?" She asked, again with a certain voice I didn't recognize in her. 'No, I don't think he'll disapprove, but..''
"But he won't certainly like it" Ellen answered for me.
It was silent on both sides of the phone. I couldn't understand why she reacted this way. And I think my friends' brains couldn't gather the information all together.
Overseas. Child. Father. Ex. Career. Love.
But more likely, she probably didn't know what to think of it. I thought that maybe she would be worried about our friendship and said to comfort her: 'Don't worry, it's only for eight months!'. 'Eight months?!!' she yelled, continuing: 'And what does your ex think about this?' as if the worldpanic broke out. 'Well, what can he say?' I sounded naieve..but not because I didn't think about his rights as a father, but just because of my girlfriend's reaction. And then, as if she realized she had been negative all the time, she put her things together and tried to end it in a positive way: 'Well, it sounds like fun'..with somewhat hesitation in her voice.. 'If you really go'.
Yeah. Sure. If I really go..
This questioning was going to be the first one in a whole line. I didn't quite understand. What was wrong with what I was planning? No personal internal conflicts made me take this 'huge' decision. I was not in a pre-midlife crisis or depressed or whatsoever, so I it was going to be a balanced decision. But 'the others' made me fear my move: my son would react badly, it would cause fights with his father because of the distance, and the separation from my partner might be bad for my love relationship. People immigrate daily and start new lives. What is so difficult about living eight months overseas? It's also overseeable. Was there anything I had to worry about?
To be continued...
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Shirin Ebadi
Tell me, how often does someone get the chance to meet a Nobelprize winner? And how often do you get the chance to meet a female Nobelprize winner? Let's make it more complicated. Tell me what the chance is you can meet a female muslim Nobelprize winner?
Yes, you got it right: next week I will meet Shirin Ebadi. The Center for Women's and Gender Studies of the University of Texas, has invited this extraordinary and courageous woman. She is an Iranian lawyer, human rights activist and founder of the Association for Support of Children's Rights in Iran. In 2003 she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, becoming the first Iranian and the first Mulsim woman to receive the prize.
I am so excited about it and sometimes I even hesitate what question I want to ask her, since I have so many things to ask her. And I am sure there will be a lot of other people wanting to talk to her. Let me think about it...I will definitely come back with a report about this wonderful woman's visit...
Yes, you got it right: next week I will meet Shirin Ebadi. The Center for Women's and Gender Studies of the University of Texas, has invited this extraordinary and courageous woman. She is an Iranian lawyer, human rights activist and founder of the Association for Support of Children's Rights in Iran. In 2003 she was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, becoming the first Iranian and the first Mulsim woman to receive the prize.
I am so excited about it and sometimes I even hesitate what question I want to ask her, since I have so many things to ask her. And I am sure there will be a lot of other people wanting to talk to her. Let me think about it...I will definitely come back with a report about this wonderful woman's visit...
Monday, April 20, 2009
Why I could live in the US (Final)
A friend from Austin invited me over to have breakfast together. We went to a typical American diner. I ordered short stack blueberry pancakes. The waiter asked whether I wanted french fries with it or mashed potatoes with cheese. I was surprised to have these options. My friend ordered a taco-dish (complete, with rice and beans at 8 a.m.!). I haven't seen this happening in my entire life in The Netherlands, where everybody eats only two wheat sandwiches with peanutbutter, cheese or jelly. If you order something else in the morning or during lunch, it is obvious that you are coming from 'somewhere else'. Because I remember my Dutch friend looking very surprised when I told her that sometimes my mother baked potatoes for us in the weekend for breakfast. It was delicious..Americans understand that..
The climate
Millions of migrants in Europe come from warm sea-climate countries. Most of them in The Netherlands, Belgium and France come from a mediterranean culture. When I started my magazine I defined this with the new term 'olive-oil culture'. This 'olive-oil' lifestyle is all about enjoying life to the full – through meals and friends, finding a balance between work and relaxation. It is the blue sky and sea, the typical cream coloured houses and the unfinished roads where most of the times traffic is a disorganized thing. Like in Turkey, also in America people live this way. Day by day.
The distance between the Turkish lifestyle and American lifestyle differs much less than with the European lifestyle. That I can tell for sure after living here for months.
We always talk about integration policies without really examining why some people feel right away at home and some do not. But everybody will agree with me that it is easier to adapt oneself to a new country where more similarities are than with no similarities at all. And of course, Europe can not change its climate and transform into an other lifestyle,that is not what I plead for. I only say that these psychological issues shouldn't be easily passed by.
We always talk about integration policies without really examining why some people feel right away at home and some do not. But everybody will agree with me that it is easier to adapt oneself to a new country where more similarities are than with no similarities at all. And of course, Europe can not change its climate and transform into an other lifestyle,that is not what I plead for. I only say that these psychological issues shouldn't be easily passed by.
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